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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52565) - you deserved it (4620)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

#21165721
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39274) - you deserved it (7294)

On 06/07/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by embarrassed girl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

#21158368
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41698) - you deserved it (3638)

On 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61751) - you deserved it (4774)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

#21155045
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56783) - you deserved it (5093)

On 05/28/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40443) - you deserved it (5763)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55967) - you deserved it (7151)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

#21134956
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33430) - you deserved it (5323)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by romancocks - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64268) - you deserved it (14940)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to once again lie to a customer about why I was the only one manning the shop, saying that they must have run out for lunch - my coworkers were too busy getting stoned in their cars to do their job. FML

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36411) - you deserved it (5085)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

#21118067
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39237) - you deserved it (4412)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm - misc - by Not-pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)



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