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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

#20995103
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34813) - you deserved it (3944)

On 12/16/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by dazed and confused - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

#20994219
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38202) - you deserved it (2779)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41790) - you deserved it (6892)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48510) - you deserved it (4575)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18657) - you deserved it (49089)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39443) - you deserved it (3789)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57975) - you deserved it (2691)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

#20959350
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44014) - you deserved it (3970)

On 11/16/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by CODgirl102 - United States (Florida)

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

#20958238
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37520) - you deserved it (2790)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:00am - misc - by Eggs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43821) - you deserved it (4606)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

#20941322
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41912) - you deserved it (3888)

On 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by #isthisthepoundkey? - United States (Florida)

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

#20939023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (17413)

On 10/30/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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