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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

#937193
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47343) - you deserved it (18430)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

#919886
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41801) - you deserved it (5164)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by carpusher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

#919656
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46426) - you deserved it (15962)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

#889359
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51934) - you deserved it (17457)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:51pm - kids - by Liz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

#886706
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60787) - you deserved it (3028)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

#879830
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77250) - you deserved it (3291)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by fedlife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99148) - you deserved it (33903)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

#777517
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10621) - you deserved it (55376)

On 04/03/2009 at 1:10am - work - by Boothater (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

#758026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78729) - you deserved it (5271)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

#757455
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9022) - you deserved it (103739)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

#724794
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50843) - you deserved it (30580)

On 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

#697390
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64117) - you deserved it (4023)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#677350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18366) - you deserved it (58725)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)



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