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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

#232055
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14669) - you deserved it (47101)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

#228106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61679) - you deserved it (3829)

On 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm - work - by laurenmay (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14500) - you deserved it (44095)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64981) - you deserved it (3725)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80741) - you deserved it (4815)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18804) - you deserved it (46684)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50691) - you deserved it (3338)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17601) - you deserved it (42988)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63651) - you deserved it (8172)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

#130566
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37877) - you deserved it (2725)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Godfree (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

#122895
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44255) - you deserved it (4580)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

#110231
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14171) - you deserved it (36704)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:50pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25463) - you deserved it (66201)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)



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