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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

#266591
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104413) - you deserved it (9324)

On 03/10/2009 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by petpeeeve (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8366) - you deserved it (78948)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

#232055
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14668) - you deserved it (47106)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

#228106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61685) - you deserved it (3829)

On 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm - work - by laurenmay (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14505) - you deserved it (44101)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65000) - you deserved it (3725)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80768) - you deserved it (4815)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18805) - you deserved it (46690)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50703) - you deserved it (3338)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17606) - you deserved it (42998)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63659) - you deserved it (8173)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

#130566
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37888) - you deserved it (2725)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Godfree (man) - United States (Florida)



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