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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML

#303053
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78645) - you deserved it (7452)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Misc. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

#293616
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86782) - you deserved it (3587)

On 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm - animals - by LJ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (73146)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

#266591
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103387) - you deserved it (9205)

On 03/10/2009 at 10:53pm - intimacy - by petpeeeve (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8207) - you deserved it (78307)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

#232055
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14612) - you deserved it (47050)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

#228106
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61568) - you deserved it (3825)

On 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm - work - by laurenmay (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14464) - you deserved it (44022)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64870) - you deserved it (3713)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80596) - you deserved it (4810)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18769) - you deserved it (46600)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50351) - you deserved it (3312)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)



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