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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

#1316635
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52887) - you deserved it (4661)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Gabrielguitar (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

#1314307
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44684) - you deserved it (4881)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

#1134670
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13699) - you deserved it (43076)

On 04/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

#1054756
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76414) - you deserved it (5989)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

#992222
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124226) - you deserved it (7222)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

Today, I stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook. His second Facebook. On which I also stumbled upon his second girlfriend. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

#963044
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43453) - you deserved it (28843)

On 04/14/2009 at 12:44am - love - by dramaqueen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

#937193
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47253) - you deserved it (18416)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

#919886
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41758) - you deserved it (5156)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by carpusher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

#919656
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46352) - you deserved it (15943)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

#889359
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51880) - you deserved it (17441)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:51pm - kids - by Liz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

#886706
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60715) - you deserved it (3024)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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