FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

by NotSoSexy / 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

by CombatShadow45 / 11/25/2009 at 5:39pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML

by saywhatnow / 11/25/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

by TinyDancer22 / 11/25/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

by Oddity_C / 11/24/2009 at 8:00pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

by lonelyman / 11/20/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

by TLT / 11/16/2009 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

by Kassiopia / 11/14/2009 at 7:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

by WhatWentWrong / 11/11/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

by GillyPirate / 11/10/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with the guy I have been in love with for a long time. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand throughout the movie. Afterwards he asked me for advice on the girl he likes. Apparently she isn't talking to him anymore. FML

by SkySkyChan / 11/08/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous