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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

#1861199
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46277) - you deserved it (2965)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Lex (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

#1747216
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76579) - you deserved it (4207)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by WonderWall09 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

#1716877
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (16002)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JuniorDetective (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31317) - you deserved it (65490)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

#1611269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47031) - you deserved it (21022)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by supermanj76 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158135) - you deserved it (23982)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

#1509670
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60515) - you deserved it (11175)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

#1475224
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62543) - you deserved it (4253)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

#1348524
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57325) - you deserved it (7539)

On 04/26/2009 at 5:47am - misc - by TheRawrza (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1341827
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49151) - you deserved it (7765)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

#1316635
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52877) - you deserved it (4659)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Gabrielguitar (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

#1314307
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44661) - you deserved it (4880)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

#1134670
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13694) - you deserved it (43074)

On 04/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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