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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He's an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don't think he knows what they are. FML

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

#4758103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6235) - you deserved it (46951)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by chacha_bby - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

#4757716
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6279) - you deserved it (38909)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:08pm - misc - by Susan (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

#4752266
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44486) - you deserved it (4177)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Idontdance (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

#4712150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38725) - you deserved it (2011)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by ostfae (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

#4691287
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35477) - you deserved it (6128)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by airplanes-suck (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

#4653267
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47892) - you deserved it (14467)

On 08/19/2009 at 11:03am - love - by MariadelMar (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53129) - you deserved it (3535)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

#4481809
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37677) - you deserved it (2810)

On 08/12/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by NoticeTheLackOfNumbers (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

#4451238
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64992) - you deserved it (3414)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:57pm - work - by aw-wtf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

#4414579
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43706) - you deserved it (12668)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:13pm - health - by Ducati (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43475) - you deserved it (3370)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)



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