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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

#21427999
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (3332)

On 06/18/2015 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

#21424116
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26956) - you deserved it (1859)

On 06/10/2015 at 8:13pm - misc - by its still broken (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (5402)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

#21417547
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26868) - you deserved it (4556)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29457) - you deserved it (2380)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14295) - you deserved it (31529)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

#21410548
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31221) - you deserved it (2011)

On 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm - misc - by hendrixisgod86 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (3390)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28262) - you deserved it (2245)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35805) - you deserved it (6411)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28637) - you deserved it (2821)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)



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