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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43758) - you deserved it (4598)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

#20941322
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41363) - you deserved it (3841)

On 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by #isthisthepoundkey? - United States (Florida)

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

#20939023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36558) - you deserved it (17391)

On 10/30/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

#20934033
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47648) - you deserved it (3242)

On 10/25/2013 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31508) - you deserved it (10612)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

#20923587
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36802) - you deserved it (26231)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

#20912330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39307) - you deserved it (6251)

On 10/08/2013 at 10:34am - money - by moneymoneymoney (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42778) - you deserved it (3050)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

#20896706
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (5586)

On 09/26/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by horriblefashionsense (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

#20891194
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36449) - you deserved it (2396)

On 09/22/2013 at 7:36am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47681) - you deserved it (8939)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50118) - you deserved it (33796)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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