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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

#19923772
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16165) - you deserved it (4146)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:54pm - animals - by cutup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

#19831438
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20057) - you deserved it (5946)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband texted me while I was sitting on the toilet, asking "Are you alright in there?" Apparently our thin walls and my constipation grunts made him worried that I was dying. FML

#19795996
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16453) - you deserved it (2943)

On 06/16/2012 at 7:18am - health - by FibreNeeded (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5790) - you deserved it (75834)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

#19769783
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6359) - you deserved it (28884)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

#19731435
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13761) - you deserved it (4434)

On 06/04/2012 at 6:13am - love - by Ladycakes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

#19720443
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9858) - you deserved it (24110)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

#19688596
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5922) - you deserved it (21746)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by taylortotscx - United States (Florida)

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

#19678592
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13441) - you deserved it (3523)

On 05/25/2012 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19112) - you deserved it (3106)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

#19554297
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8382) - you deserved it (25845)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

#19552160
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9618) - you deserved it (16241)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:24am - work - by zomg - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave a homeless guy a dollar. Instead of a simple "Thank you" I got an unwanted hug. I can't wash the pee smell off me. FML

#19551541
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16391) - you deserved it (4842)

On 04/30/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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