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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38864) - you deserved it (4414)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

#5146144
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10889) - you deserved it (47546)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:21am - animals - by GoodDog (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

#5144456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37220) - you deserved it (4206)

On 09/09/2009 at 4:57am - love - by clingmaster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

#5096341
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48974) - you deserved it (6549)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Ballshurt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15506) - you deserved it (47565)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

#5041088
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12814) - you deserved it (47975)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by akward (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

#5040624
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35004) - you deserved it (2398)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JerseyGirl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

#5007844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36650) - you deserved it (7242)

On 09/02/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by lifeguardfuckup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a foreigner walked into my restaurant to pick up his pizzas. The bill was $25 and he gave me $30 and a 100 dollar bill. I gave him his change from the 30 and I didn't understand so I gave him back the 100 dollars. He said "Well if you dont want it, okay." He was gonna tip me $100. FML

#4999366
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44560) - you deserved it (13070)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:29pm - money - by Lizzzyygurl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34856) - you deserved it (2501)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

#4952046
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8596) - you deserved it (83070)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Bee (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

#4895245
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44135) - you deserved it (7729)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by MelanieP (woman) - United States (Florida)



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