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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

#3859879
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50949) - you deserved it (2698)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:10pm - work - by justdoingmyjob (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

#3772317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44399) - you deserved it (3075)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm - money - by nsJ (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

#3718923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10941) - you deserved it (52740)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while eating a Subway sandwich, I was watching a comedian on TV. As he said his signature line, I laughed hysterically and accidentally snorted a jalapeño into my nose. I spent the next 5 minutes trying to snort out the little piece that got lodged into my nostril. FML

#3708472
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34911) - you deserved it (11416)

On 07/13/2009 at 2:17am - misc - by zombielover1 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

#3679896
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58668) - you deserved it (3068)

On 07/11/2009 at 11:18pm - love - by Hopeless (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

#3663410
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52629) - you deserved it (4505)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by charma (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

#3649387
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10027) - you deserved it (36702)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by jennyygrace - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

#3582507
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47728) - you deserved it (10909)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:51pm - animals - by coral (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43122) - you deserved it (2946)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

#3497280
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (3261)

On 07/05/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Disgusted (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19029) - you deserved it (38327)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5734) - you deserved it (62038)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

#3415575
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12329) - you deserved it (44862)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:42am - love - by dork - United States (Florida)



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