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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

#3649387
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9999) - you deserved it (36618)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by jennyygrace - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

#3582507
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47611) - you deserved it (10885)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:51pm - animals - by coral (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42982) - you deserved it (2941)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

#3497280
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37312) - you deserved it (3257)

On 07/05/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Disgusted (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18987) - you deserved it (38244)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5705) - you deserved it (61872)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

#3415575
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12102) - you deserved it (44416)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:42am - love - by dork - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

#3398607
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67705) - you deserved it (6469)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

#3252753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56190) - you deserved it (2935)

On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

#3232883
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42355) - you deserved it (6712)

On 06/26/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by stupidgirlll - United States (Florida)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36939) - you deserved it (2373)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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