Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57103) - you deserved it (3056)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15445) - you deserved it (46331)
On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML
I agree, your life sucks (66094) - you deserved it (2993)
On 03/29/2009 at 2:40am - love - by crushed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45807) - you deserved it (5317)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Lena (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162864) - you deserved it (22131)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53467) - you deserved it (11506)
On 03/24/2009 at 1:46am - misc - by Kuu (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73144) - you deserved it (24456)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84215) - you deserved it (7908)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (92197)
On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60697) - you deserved it (17791)
On 03/22/2009 at 12:53am - health - by TANT (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42616) - you deserved it (485605)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49467) - you deserved it (6781)
On 03/20/2009 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9946) - you deserved it (46207)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by natalieeee (woman) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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