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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

#3398607
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65140) - you deserved it (6231)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

#3252753
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53258) - you deserved it (2727)

On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

#3232883
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40796) - you deserved it (6527)

On 06/26/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by stupidgirlll - United States (Florida)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34893) - you deserved it (2200)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML

#3205255
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35893) - you deserved it (6230)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:17pm - love - by smallmediumatlrg (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

#3110459
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17426) - you deserved it (41456)

On 06/22/2009 at 2:06am - animals - by Ketchup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

#3095885
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36008) - you deserved it (5120)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Lucky (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife took herself, the kids, and extended family members I've never even heard of to New York. She paid the 7,000$ bill with my credit card. FML

#2959965
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36863) - you deserved it (3199)

On 06/17/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by rileym797 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

#2867945
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50440) - you deserved it (7682)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

#2793513
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43624) - you deserved it (13418)

On 06/11/2009 at 2:12am - love - by seablue (woman) - United States (Florida)



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