FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

by shadowsonicstar / 01/13/2011 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, at work, my computer started acting up. I told my boss I could fix it, but he told me to call the IT department instead. Neither the IT technician or his supervisor could figure it out, so I showed them what was wrong and how to fix it. I was promptly fired for wasting 2 hours of company time. FML

by worksux / 01/05/2011 at 3:25pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

by x_udontknowme_x / 01/05/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

by ouch / 01/02/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend talked me into having drunk sex. Right after we started, my head hit a wall, knocking me out. I woke up to him taking pics of my tits. FML

by Samantha / 01/01/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, after telling my parents just exactly what I thought of them and that I was moving out, the person I was supposed to move in with called to say they'd decided they would rather live alone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 3:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

by bullseyed / 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous