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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

#21385728
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28826) - you deserved it (2269)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by megan - United States (Florida)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

#21383831
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38456) - you deserved it (2850)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by sexisntfun (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29781) - you deserved it (3937)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28381) - you deserved it (3464)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

#21378047
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32342) - you deserved it (4622)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm - misc - by shawnsmuffins - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

#21376359
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (207) - you deserved it (5339)

On 03/17/2015 at 12:25pm - love - by RS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29580) - you deserved it (7926)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

#21373068
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25783) - you deserved it (4542)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (179) - you deserved it (25)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you deserved it (2323)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34582) - you deserved it (6697)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after many tests and doctor visits, I finally found out the reason for my flu-like symptoms isn't a vitamin deficient or anything. The damn tea I drink every morning makes me feel sick. FML

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28396) - you deserved it (2243)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)



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