Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12450) - you deserved it (15224)
On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3738) - you deserved it (18662)
On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13584) - you deserved it (31973)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got into a car wreck that was clearly the other driver's fault. When the police showed up, it turned out that they were old High School friends. The cop let her go without a citation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19006) - you deserved it (847)
On 08/22/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18998) - you deserved it (5921)
On 08/19/2012 at 12:19am - work - by pridekills - United States (Florida)
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26651) - you deserved it (1430)
On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16807) - you deserved it (1400)
On 08/01/2012 at 8:06pm - love - by daddydaughterWTF - United States (Florida)
Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16043) - you deserved it (2148)
On 07/27/2012 at 10:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15042) - you deserved it (1013)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24334) - you deserved it (6289)
On 07/24/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Joey - United States (Florida)
Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15519) - you deserved it (1746)
On 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm - work - by artdegreemyass (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14376) - you deserved it (1346)
On 07/21/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by AussieG75 - United States (Florida)
Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (1187)
On 07/14/2012 at 12:46pm - money - by Natalie - United States (Florida)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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