FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

by emm / 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

by blk8764 / 03/15/2011 at 6:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

by spaz / 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

by Acesup111 / 03/02/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

by Stormy / 02/27/2011 at 4:46pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

by anonomous / 02/07/2011 at 2:51pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML

by Disgusted / 02/03/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

by imsadnow / 01/31/2011 at 3:01pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

by Florida_1827 / 01/28/2011 at 5:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

by Azure_Mist / 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love