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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

#6879441
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (10242)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:57am - love - by Dumped (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

#6795519
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30637) - you deserved it (2554)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm - animals - by ollierocks96 - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML

#6790649
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23861) - you deserved it (2583)

On 12/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33305) - you deserved it (2239)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

#6772428
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29558) - you deserved it (2961)

On 12/16/2009 at 12:15am - health - by RazorBumps (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML

#6746547
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28558) - you deserved it (4284)

On 12/14/2009 at 12:03am - money - by Cathy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss' 13 year old son. FML

#6724461
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6253) - you deserved it (43166)

On 12/12/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by ash203 - United States (Florida)

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

#6719670
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (3020)

On 12/12/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

#6677904
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44008) - you deserved it (21081)

On 12/09/2009 at 8:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

#6669217
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30631) - you deserved it (2202)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

#6665762
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42306) - you deserved it (2173)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

#6658784
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31926) - you deserved it (1974)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

#6649432
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30064) - you deserved it (2887)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by mylifesuckssomuch3214 (man) - United States (Florida)



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