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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

#13653638
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (3716)

On 10/30/2010 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

#13650212
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (11651)

On 10/30/2010 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Shelly - United States (Florida)

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

#13613595
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11628) - you deserved it (25275)

On 10/27/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

#13612177
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (7614)

On 10/27/2010 at 6:04am - misc - by Sean - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

#13599206
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26878) - you deserved it (8522)

On 10/26/2010 at 3:48am - misc - by skippy_liz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

#13590794
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (3995)

On 10/25/2010 at 3:05pm - intimacy - by shiznit - United States (Florida)

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

#13565475
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26367) - you deserved it (3198)

On 10/23/2010 at 6:11pm - work - by level6 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

#13555511
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9013) - you deserved it (34559)

On 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm - work - by qhu - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

#13496435
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (4825)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:27am - work - by ktwithaq (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

#13490049
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47016) - you deserved it (3644)

On 10/17/2010 at 8:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

#13475038
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37333) - you deserved it (3258)

On 10/16/2010 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

#13459715
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35582) - you deserved it (4340)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23921) - you deserved it (6971)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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