Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22685) - you deserved it (71637)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

#15581627
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10538) - you deserved it (73338)

On 03/31/2011 at 10:23pm - misc - by owies :( - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37177) - you deserved it (5180)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

#15508713
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42113) - you deserved it (5043)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:10am - misc - by leeseyxoxo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38174) - you deserved it (11486)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

#15426482
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51749) - you deserved it (28813)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

#15381959
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52763) - you deserved it (8360)

On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

#15366691
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37674) - you deserved it (9331)

On 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by emm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

#15324992
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37826) - you deserved it (4635)

On 03/15/2011 at 6:35pm - misc - by blk8764 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

#15308745
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (14283)

On 03/14/2011 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

#15308003
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35506) - you deserved it (3334)

On 03/14/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

#15298829
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29334) - you deserved it (13214)

On 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm - animals - by spaz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

#15240526
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20031) - you deserved it (35167)

On 03/08/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: