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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

#7319771
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35346) - you deserved it (4438)

On 01/13/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by boundandgagged (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

#7304615
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14160) - you deserved it (45128)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by BetterThanFake (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

#7255903
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6133) - you deserved it (34122)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:11am - misc - by ishouldntdrink (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I confessed my love to a guy I've been flirting with for months. He then decided to reject me through a poem on Facebook for all of our friends to read. FML

#7255685
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (3641)

On 01/10/2010 at 9:48am - love - by VAngelique (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

#7210467
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8118) - you deserved it (26122)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

#7201019
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5375) - you deserved it (39295)

On 01/07/2010 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

#7181170
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32640) - you deserved it (2389)

On 01/06/2010 at 1:19pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (3148)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

#7113361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25596) - you deserved it (2969)

On 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm - kids - by arachnidphobia (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

#7050421
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25134) - you deserved it (10103)

On 12/31/2009 at 2:39am - kids - by Missyangel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

#6990469
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (6223)

On 12/28/2009 at 9:00am - love - by For (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12232) - you deserved it (25227)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out the gift card my friend gave me for Christmas actually has no money on it and was never purchased in the first place. FML

#6958051
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (1938)

On 12/26/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by DeannaMarie - United States (Florida)



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