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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

#6719670
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (2643)

On 12/12/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

#6677904
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (19808)

On 12/09/2009 at 8:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

#6669217
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (1595)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

#6665762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38203) - you deserved it (1885)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

#6658784
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28669) - you deserved it (1746)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

#6649432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24891) - you deserved it (2166)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by mylifesuckssomuch3214 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

#6633448
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31107) - you deserved it (11468)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm - kids - by Sadface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

#6626630
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20883) - you deserved it (4304)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by musiclover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29579) - you deserved it (12292)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

#6593768
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45673) - you deserved it (2033)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

#6487113
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (1676)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

#6451435
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7442) - you deserved it (22973)

On 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by NotSoSexy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

#6449433
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33886) - you deserved it (4354)

On 11/25/2009 at 5:39pm - love - by CombatShadow45 - United States (Florida)



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