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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

#13093344
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24876) - you deserved it (2936)

On 09/18/2010 at 12:21am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

#13079046
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34396) - you deserved it (3217)

On 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm - love - by ccblock (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

#13068914
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49273) - you deserved it (4110)

On 09/16/2010 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

#13056809
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22181) - you deserved it (8080)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:24am - work - by clumsyandhungry (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

#13019644
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (9453)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic". FML

#12995746
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30032) - you deserved it (2274)

On 09/10/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

#12967216
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15112) - you deserved it (36801)

On 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by WTF?!?! - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34203) - you deserved it (3308)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23771) - you deserved it (4437)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

#12910894
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28050) - you deserved it (7701)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

#12858268
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29135) - you deserved it (3952)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

#12797931
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18151) - you deserved it (27566)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:02am - health - by yggiz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

#12786707
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30527) - you deserved it (5564)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:19pm - love - by doesntkissalot - United States (Florida)



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