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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

#7957372
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17147) - you deserved it (4297)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

#7908561
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25205) - you deserved it (4729)

On 02/05/2010 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

#7900233
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9440) - you deserved it (54877)

On 02/05/2010 at 5:35am - love - by hickey (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

#7621878
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4399) - you deserved it (43012)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:29pm - misc - by Glutton (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

#7584651
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50553) - you deserved it (2575)

On 01/26/2010 at 2:35am - love - by Junior (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

#7568071
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5538) - you deserved it (28693)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:21pm - misc - by lala (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40548) - you deserved it (3177)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

#7516838
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7842) - you deserved it (29678)

On 01/23/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by fisherman - United States (Florida)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (2808)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

#7412536
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30591) - you deserved it (2384)

On 01/18/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by Nissan_David (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28391) - you deserved it (2274)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9487) - you deserved it (23465)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

#7353628
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30199) - you deserved it (3619)

On 01/15/2010 at 3:33am - love - by Romantic (woman) - United States (Florida)



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