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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

#14279972
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27430) - you deserved it (3387)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

#14266887
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14224) - you deserved it (27177)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:02am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

#14220107
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38568) - you deserved it (5155)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

#14126136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8143) - you deserved it (32798)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm - misc - by bullseyed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

#14085005
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you deserved it (5867)

On 12/04/2010 at 3:35pm - love - by Pita (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

#14058992
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35618) - you deserved it (9662)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from my grandmother. Turns out my father found out about my elopement with my husband through my stepmother, because someone she works with told her. We were planning on it being a surprise, and telling people on Christmas. My father won't even talk to me now. FML

#14044640
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10161) - you deserved it (26196)

On 12/01/2010 at 3:08am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

#13974897
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34642) - you deserved it (22361)

On 11/25/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

#13938957
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (3514)

On 11/22/2010 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

#13900927
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30612) - you deserved it (6415)

On 11/19/2010 at 4:20pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

#13857335
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29051) - you deserved it (4680)

On 11/15/2010 at 9:02pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

#13850152
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24888) - you deserved it (4821)

On 11/15/2010 at 4:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, bitch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12813) - you deserved it (52190)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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