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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

#17718767
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43364) - you deserved it (7628)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

#17712418
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (3218)

On 09/10/2011 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50365) - you deserved it (4606)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

#17639388
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31038) - you deserved it (2987)

On 09/01/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Starving Ultimatum (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

#17633447
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30552) - you deserved it (1983)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

#17632627
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36316) - you deserved it (4358)

On 08/31/2011 at 9:55pm - money - by anti88 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

#17601968
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30308) - you deserved it (6177)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

#17575215
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34306) - you deserved it (3332)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22484) - you deserved it (45069)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20065) - you deserved it (35200)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38548) - you deserved it (3751)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10160) - you deserved it (122261)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)



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