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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

#15919542
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33544) - you deserved it (3411)

On 04/25/2011 at 1:02pm - work - by lpspann87 - United States (Florida)

Today, it is both my birthday and Easter. My whole family came into town and my mom made a big dinner with all of my favorite foods. After church, I took a nap. When I woke up, all the food, including my cake, was gone. No one thought to wake me up. FML

#15910570
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36963) - you deserved it (6493)

On 04/24/2011 at 4:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

#15900752
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11111) - you deserved it (31050)

On 04/23/2011 at 7:56pm - misc - by Niquesha (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

#15825152
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31536) - you deserved it (2909)

On 04/17/2011 at 7:18pm - work - by sdgsfvbkuhkj (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

#15784474
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60702) - you deserved it (4298)

On 04/14/2011 at 2:28pm - love - by Pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

#15740418
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37250) - you deserved it (19260)

On 04/11/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Got_any_grapes1 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21704) - you deserved it (69830)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

#15581627
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10076) - you deserved it (71800)

On 03/31/2011 at 10:23pm - misc - by owies :( - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35970) - you deserved it (5070)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

#15508713
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40863) - you deserved it (4941)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:10am - misc - by leeseyxoxo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34750) - you deserved it (10853)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

#15426482
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50605) - you deserved it (28317)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

#15381959
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50023) - you deserved it (8045)

On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)



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