FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

by Username / 01/28/2012 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

by Boo Boo / 01/21/2012 at 11:23pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

by fuckthepopo / 01/20/2012 at 9:31pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

by Lickmylovepump / 01/18/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

by Lyn / 01/18/2012 at 6:15am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

by littlelottie / 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

by 9gingerface66 / 01/15/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

by mortifiedgrandchild / 01/09/2012 at 1:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

by FML / 01/05/2012 at 10:56am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

by Ilostsomuch / 01/04/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

by WTF / 12/30/2011 at 2:10am / United States (Florida) / Money