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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41605) - you deserved it (6145)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

#21203235
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40748) - you deserved it (5246)

On 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by HeartToFart - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

#21200186
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37766) - you deserved it (5147)

On 07/06/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by x.x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52417) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

#21165721
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39136) - you deserved it (7274)

On 06/07/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by embarrassed girl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

#21158368
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40027) - you deserved it (3496)

On 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59105) - you deserved it (4565)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

#21155045
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54654) - you deserved it (4907)

On 05/28/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38929) - you deserved it (5567)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55793) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

#21134956
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33329) - you deserved it (5312)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by romancocks - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61489) - you deserved it (14119)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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