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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

#21034458
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26523) - you deserved it (40865)

On 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm - kids - by Ginger_Gawd - United States (Florida)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59498) - you deserved it (4349)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39940) - you deserved it (16036)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50751) - you deserved it (4173)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

#21000013
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42133) - you deserved it (11362)

On 12/21/2013 at 9:13am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

#20999349
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42013) - you deserved it (2765)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:48pm - work - by the customer is always a cunt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

#20995103
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34279) - you deserved it (3887)

On 12/16/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by dazed and confused - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

#20994219
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38096) - you deserved it (2767)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (6882)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48334) - you deserved it (4572)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18632) - you deserved it (48984)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39337) - you deserved it (3786)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)



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