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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

#21456323
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25247) - you deserved it (1830)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:47am - work - by bruised - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25595) - you deserved it (2583)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

#21454658
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21301) - you deserved it (1670)

On 08/11/2015 at 3:43am - misc - by ZombieGirl - United States (Florida)

Today, I fed my 4ft python a live rat for the first time. He now has a new friend he won't let me near. FML

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

#21451761
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (1620)

On 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm - work - by Mmorgan771 - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

#21449263
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25619) - you deserved it (1767)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (1581)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24411) - you deserved it (1784)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29530) - you deserved it (1974)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

#21446500
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (1826)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

#21443029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24803) - you deserved it (4047)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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