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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

#20912330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37575) - you deserved it (5971)

On 10/08/2013 at 10:34am - money - by moneymoneymoney (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40534) - you deserved it (2847)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

#20896706
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39928) - you deserved it (5074)

On 09/26/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by horriblefashionsense (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

#20891194
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35174) - you deserved it (2304)

On 09/22/2013 at 7:36am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43145) - you deserved it (8128)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44479) - you deserved it (29544)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

#20882967
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37344) - you deserved it (10086)

On 09/15/2013 at 9:21pm - misc - by BaMiTsAnYa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

#20882475
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35324) - you deserved it (2328)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:47pm - work - by what... (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

#20878205
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54820) - you deserved it (3870)

On 09/12/2013 at 10:44am - love - by whyme (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54521) - you deserved it (8925)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

#20872521
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44642) - you deserved it (4375)

On 09/08/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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