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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

#17780455
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10287) - you deserved it (39636)

On 09/19/2011 at 1:24pm - misc - by fluke - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

#17735625
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22159) - you deserved it (3562)

On 09/13/2011 at 10:48am - health - by .. - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

#17718767
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (7092)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

#17712418
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28648) - you deserved it (2883)

On 09/10/2011 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45990) - you deserved it (4224)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

#17639388
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27389) - you deserved it (2672)

On 09/01/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Starving Ultimatum (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

#17633447
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26990) - you deserved it (1733)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

#17632627
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32255) - you deserved it (3953)

On 08/31/2011 at 9:55pm - money - by anti88 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

#17601968
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26743) - you deserved it (5774)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

#17575215
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30506) - you deserved it (3013)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19968) - you deserved it (41643)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17764) - you deserved it (32118)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)



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