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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

#17633447
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26918) - you deserved it (1728)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

#17632627
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32180) - you deserved it (3951)

On 08/31/2011 at 9:55pm - money - by anti88 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

#17601968
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26462) - you deserved it (5745)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

#17575215
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30456) - you deserved it (3010)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19932) - you deserved it (41572)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17721) - you deserved it (32066)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34528) - you deserved it (3439)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8580) - you deserved it (112137)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53101) - you deserved it (3266)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

#17333290
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29350) - you deserved it (3018)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:05pm - kids - by burn - United States (Florida)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30273) - you deserved it (4822)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

#17296721
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24585) - you deserved it (9492)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:27am - misc - by sofargone420 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

#17254567
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27057) - you deserved it (11308)

On 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm - misc - by youjustsuck (woman) - United States (Florida)



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