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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

#17333290
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28304) - you deserved it (2932)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:05pm - kids - by burn - United States (Florida)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (4527)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

#17296721
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23152) - you deserved it (9285)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:27am - misc - by sofargone420 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

#17254567
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (10958)

On 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm - misc - by youjustsuck (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11801) - you deserved it (55289)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

#17246888
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30582) - you deserved it (2441)

On 07/24/2011 at 10:53pm - love - by ugly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML

#17236134
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28045) - you deserved it (8437)

On 07/24/2011 at 12:22am - money - by Joe thomas - United States (Florida)

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

#17180663
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28464) - you deserved it (4907)

On 07/19/2011 at 6:57pm - love - by nickrick12 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

#17151333
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23085) - you deserved it (7606)

On 07/17/2011 at 4:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

#17125481
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9824) - you deserved it (36948)

On 07/15/2011 at 6:24pm - work - by Meg - United States (Florida)

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18193) - you deserved it (44711)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

#17047649
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39173) - you deserved it (7194)

On 07/10/2011 at 12:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

#17036883
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30302) - you deserved it (4681)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:59am - work - by dsbass09 - United States (Florida)



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