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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

#18280377
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29069) - you deserved it (3746)

On 11/18/2011 at 10:26am - misc - by southernpride93 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

#18271513
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37761) - you deserved it (5493)

On 11/17/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

#18261463
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27629) - you deserved it (2445)

On 11/16/2011 at 1:32am - work - by nyatzz - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

#18182863
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28688) - you deserved it (3520)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent over 20 minutes trying to convince my daughter that the word she was trying to use was "Back-pack" and not "Back-back". I never convinced her. She is 16 years old. FML

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

#18145171
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62457) - you deserved it (4623)

On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

#18136317
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (9428)

On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

#18110150
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23376) - you deserved it (8161)

On 10/30/2011 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10014) - you deserved it (181546)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

#18079662
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22409) - you deserved it (44803)

On 10/26/2011 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

#18070147
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22758) - you deserved it (3774)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:10am - love - by SNBBFF - United States (Florida)

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

#18014393
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50008) - you deserved it (4553)

On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

#17986846
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37121) - you deserved it (3125)

On 10/15/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Ania (woman) - United States (Florida)



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