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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

#21475976
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (2251)

On 10/04/2015 at 10:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

#21474679
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you deserved it (4224)

On 09/30/2015 at 5:13pm - misc - by ZombieGirl0417 - United States (Florida)

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

#21474597
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21057) - you deserved it (2011)

On 09/30/2015 at 1:16pm - work - by college parking sucks (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

#21473545
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24370) - you deserved it (2496)

On 09/27/2015 at 11:27pm - love - by anon - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

#21472460
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24829) - you deserved it (2729)

On 09/25/2015 at 12:43am - love - by anon - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

#21471391
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (1714)

On 09/22/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by gotmilk? - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

#21469827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16131) - you deserved it (30839)

On 09/18/2015 at 8:22am - animals - by introublenow (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML

#21465651
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11919) - you deserved it (24000)

On 09/07/2015 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

#21459013
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24809) - you deserved it (1720)

On 08/21/2015 at 8:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22508) - you deserved it (1957)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

#21457959
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17699) - you deserved it (10050)

On 08/19/2015 at 7:34am - health - by julian1 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML

Today, my vehicle's transmission shifter moves freely without shifting gears. I'm stuck in park, in a parking lot, unable to even put it into neutral to push the vehicle out of the way of several parked cars. The old lady screaming at me just outside my door doesn't understand logic either. FML



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