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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

#20868484
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39079) - you deserved it (6741)

On 09/05/2013 at 2:57am - work - by Retarded (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39849) - you deserved it (3314)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61062) - you deserved it (4465)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

#20849629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (3407)

On 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by lord kuntface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51859) - you deserved it (4561)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

#20839682
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46254) - you deserved it (4677)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

#20839453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43349) - you deserved it (8589)

On 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm - love - by ZeroLuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58381) - you deserved it (6612)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

#20822133
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41320) - you deserved it (10133)

On 08/05/2013 at 2:09pm - work - by Fuckup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

#20818742
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44080) - you deserved it (4122)

On 08/03/2013 at 1:59pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43366) - you deserved it (13603)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51941) - you deserved it (29167)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44506) - you deserved it (13554)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)



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