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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

#18675762
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26366) - you deserved it (3553)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

#18650592
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23732) - you deserved it (5838)

On 12/30/2011 at 2:10am - money - by WTF - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

#18646853
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (2610)

On 12/29/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by naomids (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

#18624537
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23697) - you deserved it (2673)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent the day crying, and ate McDonald's for my Christmas dinner. FML

#18613200
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39687) - you deserved it (4966)

On 12/26/2011 at 1:33am - misc - by Holly Jolly (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

#18604441
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24802) - you deserved it (4417)

On 12/25/2011 at 2:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

#18599933
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44081) - you deserved it (5641)

On 12/24/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

#18592801
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28494) - you deserved it (3139)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:24pm - love - by unwanted (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

#18586179
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30615) - you deserved it (3188)

On 12/23/2011 at 2:42am - intimacy - by balkangirl94 - United States (Florida)

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

#18576133
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (3183)

On 12/22/2011 at 12:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8883) - you deserved it (44658)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

#18545148
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (2984)

On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

#18491546
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36017) - you deserved it (3508)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:23am - intimacy - by brokedick (man) - United States (Florida)



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