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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

#19417580
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5828) - you deserved it (22091)

On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

#19414845
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9459) - you deserved it (50329)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

#19388204
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (1760)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by totalloss - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

#19355231
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26713) - you deserved it (2067)

On 03/27/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

#19350917
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20261) - you deserved it (3010)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (2975)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

#19335521
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25901) - you deserved it (5398)

On 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by justgreat - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

#19320311
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (61377)

On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

#19296318
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23745) - you deserved it (2403)

On 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm - kids - by Redhead4life (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20304) - you deserved it (3315)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (3292)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

#19259305
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7871) - you deserved it (25329)

On 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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