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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23971) - you deserved it (3620)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

#19554297
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10356) - you deserved it (37245)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

#19552160
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12424) - you deserved it (24500)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:24am - work - by zomg - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

#19548071
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25056) - you deserved it (2514)

On 04/29/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by davincourt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6387) - you deserved it (27803)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

#19527572
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24220) - you deserved it (1960)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46pm - misc - by :| (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21805) - you deserved it (2681)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

#19520981
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23966) - you deserved it (1857)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:50am - health - by hottygirl905 - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

#19477663
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (2929)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

#19473815
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (2315)

On 04/15/2012 at 5:26pm - work - by ... (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

#19454390
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6696) - you deserved it (28092)

On 04/12/2012 at 5:27am - love - by Jealousbitch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9510) - you deserved it (33309)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

#19447038
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9490) - you deserved it (22587)

On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)



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