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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

#19548071
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25020) - you deserved it (2511)

On 04/29/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by davincourt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6376) - you deserved it (27763)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

#19527572
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24185) - you deserved it (1957)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46pm - misc - by :| (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21761) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

#19520981
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23914) - you deserved it (1855)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:50am - health - by hottygirl905 - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

#19477663
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24598) - you deserved it (2925)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

#19473815
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24108) - you deserved it (2310)

On 04/15/2012 at 5:26pm - work - by ... (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

#19454390
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6685) - you deserved it (28044)

On 04/12/2012 at 5:27am - love - by Jealousbitch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9486) - you deserved it (33258)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

#19447038
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9475) - you deserved it (22551)

On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

#19446242
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (2088)

On 04/10/2012 at 10:19pm - health - by baugy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

#19417580
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5665) - you deserved it (21649)

On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

#19414845
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9450) - you deserved it (50261)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)



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