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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

#19454390
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6671) - you deserved it (27989)

On 04/12/2012 at 5:27am - love - by Jealousbitch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9463) - you deserved it (33178)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

#19447038
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9453) - you deserved it (22511)

On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

#19446242
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25614) - you deserved it (2060)

On 04/10/2012 at 10:19pm - health - by baugy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

#19417580
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5649) - you deserved it (21606)

On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

#19414845
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9432) - you deserved it (50179)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

#19388204
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19164) - you deserved it (1756)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by totalloss - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

#19355231
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26638) - you deserved it (2061)

On 03/27/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

#19350917
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (3004)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23208) - you deserved it (2971)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

#19335521
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25797) - you deserved it (5389)

On 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by justgreat - United States (Florida)

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

#19320311
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9950) - you deserved it (61208)

On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

#19296318
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23650) - you deserved it (2398)

On 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm - kids - by Redhead4life (man) - United States (Florida)



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