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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

#19129747
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11084) - you deserved it (8711)

On 02/21/2012 at 6:49am - work - by annoym - United States (Florida)

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

#19093688
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28361) - you deserved it (4241)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

#19083975
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17444) - you deserved it (2268)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:09am - animals - by workaholic (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20759) - you deserved it (2037)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

#18934570
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18302) - you deserved it (5854)

On 01/28/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

#18875676
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24998) - you deserved it (1784)

On 01/21/2012 at 11:23pm - health - by Boo Boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

#18865493
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22628) - you deserved it (5497)

On 01/20/2012 at 9:31pm - love - by fuckthepopo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

#18849422
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15700) - you deserved it (28956)

On 01/18/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by Lickmylovepump (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

#18842553
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17303) - you deserved it (5790)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:15am - work - by Lyn (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

#18834443
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32894) - you deserved it (2876)

On 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by littlelottie - United States (Florida)

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

#18811702
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22456) - you deserved it (3805)

On 01/15/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by 9gingerface66 - United States (Florida)

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

#18756866
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21579) - you deserved it (3537)

On 01/09/2012 at 1:53pm - misc - by mortifiedgrandchild - United States (Florida)



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