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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26783) - you deserved it (1896)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

#20129479
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27004) - you deserved it (2038)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:54am - work - by emilyparra1 - United States (Florida)

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

#20121974
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (2288)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

#20120587
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20843) - you deserved it (4080)

On 10/17/2012 at 1:16am - love - by Marie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

#20117322
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21439) - you deserved it (4240)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm - kids - by Randolph (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26865) - you deserved it (1903)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

#20109821
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23821) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm - kids - by ohgod. - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29380) - you deserved it (3637)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (7377)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (1261)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (2102)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

#20088602
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18160) - you deserved it (2232)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:57pm - misc - by pplsuck - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

#20071176
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36482) - you deserved it (2320)

On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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