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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

#20535215
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23401) - you deserved it (3706)

On 03/07/2013 at 10:18pm - misc - by seriously wtf (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32000) - you deserved it (3501)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

#20517252
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35139) - you deserved it (3498)

On 02/22/2013 at 5:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38415) - you deserved it (9375)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

#20483477
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8241) - you deserved it (34696)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:25pm - work - by faulty number - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41231) - you deserved it (7194)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28634) - you deserved it (11410)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33168) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

#20444730
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27698) - you deserved it (3531)

On 01/06/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (4539)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33082) - you deserved it (2984)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40451) - you deserved it (6237)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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