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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

#19831438
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20648) - you deserved it (6029)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6569) - you deserved it (94833)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

#19769783
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7487) - you deserved it (38279)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

#19731435
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15844) - you deserved it (5613)

On 06/04/2012 at 6:13am - love - by Ladycakes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

#19720443
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13063) - you deserved it (35014)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

#19688596
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6055) - you deserved it (22335)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by taylortotscx - United States (Florida)

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

#19678592
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14179) - you deserved it (3597)

On 05/25/2012 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (3445)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

#19554297
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9074) - you deserved it (33138)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

#19552160
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10979) - you deserved it (22218)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:24am - work - by zomg - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

#19548071
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22730) - you deserved it (2327)

On 04/29/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by davincourt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5793) - you deserved it (26125)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

#19527572
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21923) - you deserved it (1762)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46pm - misc - by :| (woman) - United States (Florida)



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