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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

#20121974
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (2282)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

#20120587
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (4071)

On 10/17/2012 at 1:16am - love - by Marie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

#20117322
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (4234)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm - kids - by Randolph (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (1896)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

#20109821
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23732) - you deserved it (2666)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm - kids - by ohgod. - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28903) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22677) - you deserved it (7368)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (1250)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24117) - you deserved it (2094)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

#20088602
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18082) - you deserved it (2227)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:57pm - misc - by pplsuck - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

#20071176
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35933) - you deserved it (2278)

On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24744) - you deserved it (5997)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17986) - you deserved it (23309)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)



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