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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17080) - you deserved it (22224)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

#20055735
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5032) - you deserved it (26813)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16627) - you deserved it (42419)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

#20029161
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19594) - you deserved it (6003)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:19am - work - by pridekills - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28876) - you deserved it (1752)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

#19997087
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (1734)

On 08/01/2012 at 8:06pm - love - by daddydaughterWTF - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

#19987123
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19115) - you deserved it (2778)

On 07/27/2012 at 10:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

#19985315
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19117) - you deserved it (1470)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

#19980776
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24895) - you deserved it (6375)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Joey - United States (Florida)

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

#19969409
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17711) - you deserved it (2274)

On 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm - work - by artdegreemyass (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

#19966337
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14902) - you deserved it (1372)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by AussieG75 - United States (Florida)

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

#19937042
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (1645)

On 07/14/2012 at 12:46pm - money - by Natalie - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

#19923772
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19253) - you deserved it (5310)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:54pm - animals - by cutup (woman) - United States (Florida)



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