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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

#21155045
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51320) - you deserved it (4499)

On 05/28/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38806) - you deserved it (5555)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55044) - you deserved it (7043)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

#21134956
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33067) - you deserved it (5267)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by romancocks - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58008) - you deserved it (13033)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to once again lie to a customer about why I was the only one manning the shop, saying that they must have run out for lunch - my coworkers were too busy getting stoned in their cars to do their job. FML

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34951) - you deserved it (4921)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

#21118067
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38559) - you deserved it (4342)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm - misc - by Not-pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

#21105963
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39887) - you deserved it (5167)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43457) - you deserved it (7090)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

#21101111
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40780) - you deserved it (4026)

On 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm - work - by dunno why we bother (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36839) - you deserved it (2971)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)



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