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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (2827)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (2327)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

#21385728
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27780) - you deserved it (2052)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by megan - United States (Florida)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

#21383831
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35609) - you deserved it (2291)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by sexisntfun (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28324) - you deserved it (3483)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (3226)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

#21378047
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32273) - you deserved it (4615)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm - misc - by shawnsmuffins - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

#21376359
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (163) - you deserved it (5307)

On 03/17/2015 at 12:25pm - love - by RS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29339) - you deserved it (7880)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

#21373068
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (4205)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106) - you deserved it (13)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (2284)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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