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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (1527)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22990) - you deserved it (1590)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28010) - you deserved it (1735)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

#21446500
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30173) - you deserved it (1762)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

#21443029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (3927)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25754) - you deserved it (3657)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22602) - you deserved it (1576)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

#21440806
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22983) - you deserved it (2275)

On 07/13/2015 at 12:39am - animals - by 4am blues - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

#21440426
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27343) - you deserved it (1990)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

#21438040
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20105) - you deserved it (7925)

On 07/07/2015 at 4:20pm - misc - by HowToGetFired - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

#21438009
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27122) - you deserved it (2567)

On 07/07/2015 at 3:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

#21437044
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22269) - you deserved it (1753)

On 07/05/2015 at 9:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

#21436613
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27854) - you deserved it (2311)

On 07/05/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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