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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (5190)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31594) - you deserved it (4358)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29597) - you deserved it (8013)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17575) - you deserved it (33096)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

#21293397
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35006) - you deserved it (2460)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by CatLover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

#21293257
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31061) - you deserved it (3560)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

#21290410
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34783) - you deserved it (4351)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33089) - you deserved it (12274)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

#21284691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31071) - you deserved it (4171)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37191) - you deserved it (3612)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

#21279069
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29160) - you deserved it (2541)

On 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm - health - by roidrager (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35575) - you deserved it (3733)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)



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