Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2427) - you deserved it (31992)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

#21213656
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40645) - you deserved it (321)

On 07/19/2014 at 12:43am - love - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38576) - you deserved it (5053)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

#21203235
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35413) - you deserved it (4724)

On 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by HeartToFart - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

#21200186
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (4817)

On 07/06/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by x.x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51429) - you deserved it (4280)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

#21165721
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37911) - you deserved it (6764)

On 06/07/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by embarrassed girl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

#21158368
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39198) - you deserved it (3142)

On 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58017) - you deserved it (4151)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

#21155045
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50045) - you deserved it (4249)

On 05/28/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38148) - you deserved it (5142)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53996) - you deserved it (6402)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: