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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML

#21415769
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21813) - you deserved it (2435)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:26pm - work - by A1NoSauce - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26347) - you deserved it (2094)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13175) - you deserved it (29403)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

#21410548
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29540) - you deserved it (1828)

On 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm - misc - by hendrixisgod86 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23916) - you deserved it (3020)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you deserved it (2055)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31694) - you deserved it (5297)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27152) - you deserved it (2560)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

#21404939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26433) - you deserved it (2780)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31273) - you deserved it (9733)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

#21401319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25699) - you deserved it (1969)

On 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm - health - by full bladder - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

#21400557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31363) - you deserved it (6203)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29889) - you deserved it (8844)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)



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