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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, I overheard my boyfriend saying to his friends, "I never knew what real contraception was until I saw Laura's face." I'm Laura. FML

#21219482
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36125) - you deserved it (3424)

On 07/24/2014 at 4:51pm - love - by I don't condome that, babe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

#21219077
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40074) - you deserved it (7522)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (47114)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28837) - you deserved it (37153)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

#21213656
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46772) - you deserved it (3483)

On 07/19/2014 at 12:43am - love - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39908) - you deserved it (5773)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

#21203235
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38219) - you deserved it (5110)

On 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by HeartToFart - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

#21200186
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37593) - you deserved it (5124)

On 07/06/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by x.x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51880) - you deserved it (4562)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

#21165721
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38564) - you deserved it (7176)

On 06/07/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by embarrassed girl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

#21158368
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39923) - you deserved it (3488)

On 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58806) - you deserved it (4553)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)



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