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FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26189) - you deserved it (1948)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

#21300656
66 comments

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24121) - you deserved it (5070)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28751) - you deserved it (4131)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28631) - you deserved it (7869)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17450) - you deserved it (32644)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

#21293397
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34513) - you deserved it (2306)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by CatLover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

#21293257
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30865) - you deserved it (3548)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

#21290410
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34611) - you deserved it (4340)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (12205)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

#21284691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30460) - you deserved it (3907)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37057) - you deserved it (3603)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML



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