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FMLs submitted from Essex

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

#20112067
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17987) - you deserved it (4155)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:49pm - money - by iblamethetories - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21455) - you deserved it (3292)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

#20000913
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18645) - you deserved it (1822)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by yeah okay then (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

#19592983
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30151) - you deserved it (5767)

On 05/08/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by mal (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19877) - you deserved it (16255)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

#17952453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23792) - you deserved it (3236)

On 10/10/2011 at 3:06pm - health - by radioactiveglowinthedarkthing (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

#17487465
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33049) - you deserved it (4174)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:44am - love - by 800z - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

#16313675
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (8897)

On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

#15831633
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11142) - you deserved it (54247)

On 04/18/2011 at 4:09am - kids - by B (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

#14438926
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7665) - you deserved it (47354)

On 01/02/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

#14398309
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24920) - you deserved it (2998)

On 12/30/2010 at 5:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48941) - you deserved it (3040)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)



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