FMLs submitted from Edinburgh, City of

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

by Bawsack / 11/22/2016 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health

Today, it's my last day at my job because I'm moving to another city. My boss handed me a card and chocolates. The same boss that didn't sign the card because, "Even though you're a great employee, I probably won't remember your name in a fortnight." I've been there three years. FML

by Bawsack / 09/26/2016 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be funny to change my ringtone to some guy crooning "Thank heaven for little girls" and then call me during today's teacher-parent conference. FML

by no paedo / 03/11/2016 at 3:35pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

by Arcam89 / 02/22/2016 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

by SY5623 / 08/11/2015 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2015 at 5:34am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

by ayeayeboy19 / 09/11/2014 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

by blackchin III / 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health

Today, my boyfriend made me sit in his kitchen while he Skyped his mother because he doesn't "feel ready" to tell her he has a girlfriend. He's 23, lives on a different continent and has been dating me for over 6 months. FML

by haztod / 03/30/2014 at 5:52pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

by Festivaler / 07/13/2013 at 3:14am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits / 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 8:30am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

by Arcam / 09/13/2012 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Money