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FMLs submitted from District of Columbia

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

#1021552
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (126017)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by hatetheroommate (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

#622063
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88975) - you deserved it (5227)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by sweet (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

#452198
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71496) - you deserved it (10244)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:41pm - health - by uofpalum (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

#436547
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104802) - you deserved it (19322)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Marcela (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (90060)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

#226601
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48102) - you deserved it (8558)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by sasd32 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (110744)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

#190354
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39496) - you deserved it (32499)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm - love - by badtrip (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

#175270
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101999) - you deserved it (11280)

On 03/01/2009 at 8:41pm - love - by groomfail (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21782) - you deserved it (130779)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50632) - you deserved it (6100)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

#69146
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43418) - you deserved it (5840)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:35pm - love - by noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

#36818
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (3493)

On 02/13/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)



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