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FMLs submitted from District of Columbia

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

#18853779
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24813) - you deserved it (7742)

On 01/19/2012 at 3:19pm - health - by ohforcheese - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

#18733674
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30280) - you deserved it (5565)

On 01/07/2012 at 6:11am - misc - by merrymary - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

#18501609
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (16368)

On 12/13/2011 at 7:26am - love - by reallyman__639 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

#18433688
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26175) - you deserved it (8449)

On 12/05/2011 at 1:13am - health - by lol (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my husband asked me, "Why do you love me?" I spent the next five minutes spilling my heart and soul out to him. After I'd asked the same question, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't." FML

#18374198
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48890) - you deserved it (3768)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:51am - love - by nirvana_mama157 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

#17549181
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31330) - you deserved it (2771)

On 08/22/2011 at 4:34pm - work - by waytootan (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

#16571966
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12476) - you deserved it (39040)

On 06/09/2011 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Liz - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

#14894190
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23645) - you deserved it (5120)

On 02/08/2011 at 9:46am - health - by mmromig - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML

#14650881
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9717) - you deserved it (29553)

On 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

#8117396
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9644) - you deserved it (34667)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:33am - intimacy - by CatWoman (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML

#8078249
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5077) - you deserved it (53596)

On 02/10/2010 at 1:39am - animals - by AUDONEE (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)



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