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FMLs submitted from District of Columbia

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

#21186073
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41040) - you deserved it (5127)

On 06/24/2014 at 12:35am - love - by over prtective father (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36884) - you deserved it (4637)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35117) - you deserved it (2955)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48467) - you deserved it (6174)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68816) - you deserved it (6549)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

#20682053
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (3884)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by onefishtwofishes (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58155) - you deserved it (4777)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

#20129656
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8412) - you deserved it (30636)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:29am - misc - by inthefamily (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

#19630328
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32003) - you deserved it (2398)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10am - love - by RingAroundThe..SPLAT (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

#18922050
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26544) - you deserved it (2382)

On 01/27/2012 at 12:35am - work - by Wendizzle (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

#18853779
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (7719)

On 01/19/2012 at 3:19pm - health - by ohforcheese - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

#18733674
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29248) - you deserved it (5452)

On 01/07/2012 at 6:11am - misc - by merrymary - United States (District of Columbia)



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