FMLs submitted from District of Columbia

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

by Ew / 05/26/2016 at 9:02am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my anxiety has gotten so bad that I start to panic every time someone even approaches me. I'm a cashier, and I'm only halfway through my shift. FML

by PhantomKitty / 04/29/2016 at 11:20am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

by Jif_Creamy / 02/28/2016 at 12:00am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

by lambeaster / 01/20/2016 at 9:27am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

by YouBossturd / 11/10/2015 at 10:17am / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I had to come up with a new rule for my library's patrons: If you, your child, or your dog has thrown up on our books, we DON'T WANT THEM BACK. FML

by apaterra / 11/07/2015 at 9:14am / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, my bio teacher decided to put a plant in his classroom, and I'm allergic to it. Apparently, my hives and runny nose aren't enough to convince him to get rid of it. FML

by SOILEDIT / 10/23/2015 at 11:03pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

by AshWil / 06/26/2015 at 12:54pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

by Jrex89 / 06/02/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

by Anyonexx0 / 04/14/2015 at 2:15pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

by generic_name123 / 03/09/2015 at 9:55am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2015 at 8:26pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

by over prtective father / 06/24/2014 at 12:35am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love