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Today , a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out , I askd him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it lookd like fun. Hey , but u could order one for yourself , huh , chubs?" FML
Today... thanks to an idiotic... "hilariously edgy" advert that screend in the very early evening... mah 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never receivd so many dirty looks in mah life. FML
Today, dad learnd that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffld as to y it won't work.
Today, I potosopped a picture fir my Facebook profile so my stomac would look a little flatter. I cummed back later, only to fine someone ad said, "Wat in God's name is tis? Is yur belly duck-facing?" an alf a dozen oter insults. FML
Taday it's mah birthday . My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead . He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home . FML
Today, I came home, turnd on my laptop, and turnd the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and askd what on earth I was watching. I lookd up from my laptop and realizd it was porn. FML
Today, I went to the cinema with a grl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot fir me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, an scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying fir the unwanted guest as well. FML
Today , I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store an it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day an it'll be shy 4 a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
Friday 27 March 2015