FMLs submitted from Delaware

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm / United States (Delaware) / Love

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

by Apparently not a writer / 02/20/2013 at 11:36am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 7:36am / United States (Delaware) / Health

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

by r4inb0wbrit3 / 07/13/2012 at 3:37am / United States (Delaware) / Love

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

by jingle / 05/25/2012 at 7:18am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

by vron991 / 05/13/2012 at 1:02am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

by dinosaucer / 10/11/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 9:05am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

by sadcapri96 / 06/23/2011 at 5:40pm / United States (Delaware) / Money

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

by nicknick2 / 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

by randinosaur / 03/13/2011 at 8:48am / United States (Delaware) / Transportation

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

by phillyfan4life / 02/21/2011 at 2:50pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals