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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Delaware

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (5240)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30313) - you deserved it (15225)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

#21228632
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37651) - you deserved it (12161)

On 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by really though? - United States (Delaware)

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

#20988740
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44507) - you deserved it (10405)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:33am - work - by mariology (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50232) - you deserved it (5020)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54900) - you deserved it (6349)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

#20514789
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25608) - you deserved it (7628)

On 02/20/2013 at 11:36am - work - by Apparently not a writer (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

#20072649
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36848) - you deserved it (1994)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

#19931628
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13626) - you deserved it (32675)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:37am - love - by r4inb0wbrit3 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

#19677400
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25244) - you deserved it (3392)

On 05/25/2012 at 7:18am - work - by jingle - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

#19614809
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (2336)

On 05/13/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by vron991 - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

#17962463
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (3094)

On 10/11/2011 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by dinosaucer - United States (Delaware)



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