FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

by halfasleep / 03/27/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

by Fairy31 / 02/29/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

by screwed / 02/07/2012 at 8:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

by tickle spunk / 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

by fgbh456 / 12/27/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

by gtfoocd / 12/27/2011 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

by John Nani / 12/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 8:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

by sparklethelette / 12/06/2011 at 8:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML

by D / 12/04/2011 at 2:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML

by meeeeeee / 11/26/2011 at 10:38am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

by disciplinaryaction / 11/21/2011 at 2:02am / United States (Connecticut) / Work