FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

by blackcarnation / 12/22/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

by 00bsg / 12/21/2013 at 10:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

by blah! / 12/08/2013 at 8:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

by jsyn / 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 2:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2013 at 1:59pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

by sober judge / 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

by Renagirl / 09/09/2013 at 8:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

by notsolucky / 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

by kayak probs / 07/30/2013 at 10:13am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

by fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love