Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9311) - you deserved it (61214)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

#54872
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42191) - you deserved it (4404)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by IBleedArbor - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

#52270
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (5979)

On 02/16/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by mags (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41177) - you deserved it (3034)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

#12898
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38026) - you deserved it (1824)

On 02/07/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by brokenkneechick (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

#9653
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39586) - you deserved it (2746)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:14am - love - by lonely (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

#4944
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24660) - you deserved it (4957)

On 02/01/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by achtung - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

#2715
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18295) - you deserved it (4596)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by LDL - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

#2681
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (7794)

On 01/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Jacobro - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

#2472
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (2385)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by Teen - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

#2463
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5454) - you deserved it (19734)

On 01/24/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by yacoob - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

#1554
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42205) - you deserved it (2401)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:41am - love - by Wenny - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and said, "Do you think I could model?" I blurted out, "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line." FML

#1434
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5897) - you deserved it (47428)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:15am - love - by FailMan - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: