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FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

#1054716
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30104) - you deserved it (52100)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11840) - you deserved it (59720)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

#919205
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43619) - you deserved it (5143)

On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

#909263
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24548) - you deserved it (60281)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65781) - you deserved it (3271)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

#830404
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7820) - you deserved it (55735)

On 04/06/2009 at 2:14am - work - by singingseattlite (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

#657715
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68331) - you deserved it (13197)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:07am - love - by Anon. (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

#651066
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31937) - you deserved it (78481)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

#630106
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65572) - you deserved it (26401)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:24pm - money - by Broke (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51731) - you deserved it (87463)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70572) - you deserved it (7828)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

#538708
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60776) - you deserved it (7363)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by liz1234 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

#464994
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (44738)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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