Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9879) - you deserved it (46234)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13988) - you deserved it (44925)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37316) - you deserved it (4460)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by xxbobsan - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37679) - you deserved it (9630)
On 04/20/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Tor (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48572) - you deserved it (2367)
On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (41270)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9127) - you deserved it (52591)
On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35798) - you deserved it (3767)
On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19378) - you deserved it (44805)
On 04/10/2009 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55522) - you deserved it (2267)
On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5532) - you deserved it (41857)
On 04/06/2009 at 2:14am - work - by singingseattlite (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58621) - you deserved it (9721)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:07am - love - by Anon. (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25882) - you deserved it (60413)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Monday 20 May 2013
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