FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

by dishwasherforlife / 11/04/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

by Coach / 10/30/2009 at 9:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

by mandy / 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

by Rayvyn / 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

by dudezilla / 10/13/2009 at 11:52am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

by WhoDoYouLove6208 / 10/11/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

by User06606 / 09/29/2009 at 7:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

by issy / 09/21/2009 at 1:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

by dreamdude / 09/20/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 10:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.