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FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

#5180863
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31123) - you deserved it (2996)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by CollegeFreshman (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML

#5136850
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10352) - you deserved it (44101)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by JuicyJohn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

#5126886
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46947) - you deserved it (3430)

On 09/08/2009 at 1:29pm - health - by UhOhhhh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5401) - you deserved it (41411)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39589) - you deserved it (18831)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

#4705802
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21661) - you deserved it (35168)

On 08/21/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

#4518775
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37071) - you deserved it (2735)

On 08/14/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Sadasian (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

#4472401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45816) - you deserved it (6437)

On 08/12/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by maidmyday (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

#4382906
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14926) - you deserved it (63453)

On 08/08/2009 at 10:53am - kids - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

#4318631
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37422) - you deserved it (3440)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm - work - by caiti (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

#4274462
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46442) - you deserved it (6753)

On 08/04/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

#4244213
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44637) - you deserved it (4071)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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