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FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45665) - you deserved it (10058)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom threw away a bag of tiny parts belonging to a $1,700 robot. Naturally, I figured this out at midnight and had to spend 30 minutes digging through three nasty trashcans overflowing with rotten food and spiders. The bag was dripping with what looked like cheese by the time I found it. FML

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39107) - you deserved it (2532)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43322) - you deserved it (8729)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34644) - you deserved it (21267)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

#21209396
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52997) - you deserved it (3955)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm - misc - by chloecamp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

#21203054
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43835) - you deserved it (4312)

On 07/08/2014 at 4:52pm - misc - by madamefuxalittle (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63902) - you deserved it (9313)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

#21121712
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (5000)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:28am - kids - by missmom83 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40199) - you deserved it (12067)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44720) - you deserved it (6518)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58996) - you deserved it (4082)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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