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FMLs submitted from Connecticut

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23808) - you deserved it (6651)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39391) - you deserved it (5667)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50383) - you deserved it (3223)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

#21060189
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37050) - you deserved it (3769)

On 02/14/2014 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39765) - you deserved it (11621)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

#21023884
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35958) - you deserved it (3887)

On 01/10/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by lk mm, n vwls (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

#21012912
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35262) - you deserved it (7807)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

#21001557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (2962)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by blackcarnation - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

#21000068
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46695) - you deserved it (3757)

On 12/21/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by 00bsg - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

#20984796
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45956) - you deserved it (3101)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:19am - kids - by blah! - United States (Connecticut)

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39854) - you deserved it (9264)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

#20917232
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39694) - you deserved it (2607)

On 10/12/2013 at 2:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

#20915163
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39099) - you deserved it (2344)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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